The Questionless Books Interview: Author, Librarian, and Blogger Corey Redekop
In The Questionless Books Interview, I get a whole bunch of books people (from authors to editors to publishers to sales / publicity / production people, booksellers, designers, librarians, readers, etc) to "answer" a series of unspoken "questions". The results highlight a delightful mix of the opportunities and challenges facing our sector: from doom and gloom to sunshine and rainbows, and every irony in between.
Corey Redekop, author of the critically acclaimed Shelf Monkey (ECW, 2007 - winner of the Gold Medal, Best Popular Fiction Novel, 2008 Independent Book Publisher Awards), is a librarian and freelance writer. Corey blogs at Shelf Monkey.
I am...so very tired.
I am known to...cower in fear at horror movies, pulling my shirt collar over my eyes. Because poly-cotton blends stop all demons.
I do this in...the tub. What this is, I leave up to you. Freak.
I do this because...if I don’t, everybody dies.
I do this when I...type. This is more of a visual joke. You really should be here right now, it’s hysterical.
The way I do this is...condemned by the League of Women Voters.
At his/her core, a Writer is...a slash fiction enthusiast who cannot come up with enough new ways to get Kirk and Spock together.
As opposed to an Author, who is...so goddamned lucky.
A Writer is responsible for...climate change. Oh, yes. They fart more than cattle.
As opposed to an Author, who is responsible for...that one kid in high school who kept to himself a lot. You know the one; always reading, with the shifty eyes. Smelled like aged seaweed and cheez-its.
At its core, Publishing is...a destructive influence on the moral fabric of our society. Who releases all the smut you see these days? Publishers, that’s who. That’s why I’m voting Santorum in 2012! Yes, I know I’m not American! That is not the point here!
As opposed to Editing, which is...cruel and unusual punishment as defined by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
A Publisher should always...use a topical, and don’t pick at it.
As opposed to an Editor, who should always...remind you that, although you have written a riveting hardscrabble family drama set on the shores of Newfoundland, vampires are in now.
A Manuscript that's ready to be read by others is...an oxymoron.
As opposed to a Book that's ready to be read by others, which is...based on the screenplay by Dan O’Bannon.
A Manuscript should always...be handwritten with quill and squid-ink on the finest vellum, creating a calligraphic work of art suitable for inclusion in the Louvre. If not, your manuscript will display a devastating laziness of character on your part, and you will be doomed to obscurity, toiling away as the shoe de-smeller at your local bowling alley.
As opposed to a Book, which should always...be stored in a place of honour on your bookshelf. No, don’t touch it, that’s a first edition! Touch with your eyes, not your hands!
At its core, Bookselling is...the eighth circle of Hell.
As opposed to Book Marketing, which is...just about the most stressful job in the business. No jokes here. You have no idea.
The smallest unit of narrative is...the question mark.
The biggest reason to anticipate the future is...this government can’t stay in power forever. Can it?
The biggest reason to be scared of the future is...Santorum/Gingrich 2012!
In the future we will all...join our Earth Mother Gaia as we complete our evolution, abandon religion, and finally become the hive mind gestalt. Then, vegan sloppy joes for all, followed by a year-long choral recitation of Kumbayah.
At his/her core, a Reader is...the weakest member of the herd. Go for the knees.
However, the ideal Reader is...cutting up pictures of you right now for a collage.