credekop's blog

Is this the end?

Yup. My tenure as January's Writer-in-Residence has come to its inevitable conclusion. A friend suggested that I end on something controversial to get people talking, but that's not me. I have my opinions, but this is not the venue. Oh, but if you ever meet me in person, I have some doozies to get off my chest.

Okay, one quick rant.

The breathless anticipation of Dan Brown's next piece of hackneyed plotting to save the slumping publishing industry makes me weep uncontrollably. He's a horrible, horrible author truly undeserving of his fame. Seriously.

There, I said it. Let the hate mail commence!

Rather reluctantly, the conclusion to The Jedi's Revenge

Despite my promise to finish reprinting my first-ever novel The Jedi's Revenge (written by Corey Redekop, age eleven), I find myself somewhat reticent. My problem can be explained thusly:

The damn thing is no damn good.

I'm not being modest. I thought this would be fun, to revisit my storytelling roots, but this is just sad. The child me has no talent in plotting or characterization. Or even continuity. This is supposed to be the sequel to The Empire Strikes Back, and not once do I mention that Darth Vader is Luke's father? What, did I forget that niggling little plot point?

Star Wars 3, part II

And now, the continuation of eleven-year-old Corey Redekop's sci-fi masterpiece The Jedi's Revenge. It's just like Return of the Jedi, but shorter, and with no ewoks!

Again, all errors are kept intact for posterity's sake.

________

Boba Fett brought Solo to Jabba the Hut.

“How can I ever thank you for brining Solo to me alive?” Jabba asked.

“Oh, nothing,” replied Fett, “but I think I’ll stick around.”

“Suit yourself,” said Jabba as he marched Han down the street. When they got to his cell, Jabba undid Han’s handcuffs and pushed him in.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” said Jabba as he locked Han’s cell.

“Yeah,” said Solo gloomily.

*

Random notes from the road - like Kerouac, but less incisive

A few random notes from my nine-hour bus trip back to the northern climes:

A) Nine hours on a bus is a great time to catch up on reading. I both started and completed an ARC of Peter Carey's newest novel His Illegal Self. Quite frankly brilliant. Carey's writing is unobtrusive yet seamlessly challenging, effortlessly screaming this is how you use language!

B) Nine hours on a bus is, well, nine hours on a bus. You simply cannot ever be comfortable. Ever. Ever ever ever. Did I mention ever? Ever.

C) Boy but do I eat badly when I'm on the road. Would it kill me to order a salad, or a V8?

Tommorow's post: The Jedi's Revenge, Part II

So tired

A real quick one, as I've just returned from an exhausting three-day book tour. I think I should talk about stamina, but I'm too tired. Simply put: eat well, pace yourself, get plenty of rest.

Thanks to Katherine and Curiousity House Books for a great time. I love your bookstore, and was deeply pleased at the invitation.

And for others who may be in the Creemore area, Paul Quarrington may be stopping by Katherine's booktique in the near future, so keep your ears open.

My first unsolicited fan recognition

I guess it's a milestone of sorts...I was recognized! In Toronto! And not at the reading I was doing, but well beforehand, at a completely different bookstore!

Now I know how George Clooney must feel. I mean pre-ER Clooney, of course - Facts of Life Clooney, not Ocean's Eleven Clooney.

But pretty cool nonetheless. It's deeply strange to have someone come up to you out of context to what you're doing and ask, "Are you (insert your name here)?" But immensely flattering. I highly recommend the experience.

What young master Corey spent his time dreaming about

I thought I’d make a little detour through time today, and revisit myself *ahem* 27 years or so ago.

Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking to a grade 4 class on the publishing process. During my talk, I mentioned that the students should save everything they write, as they will want to revisit their past efforts at some point. While I said this, I thought back to my own magnum opus of my youth, a sequel to George Lucas’ The Empire Strikes Back. I thought the story was lost to the packing boxes and dumpsters of time.

Go forward 4 months, and my mother unearths the very story, complete with barely-competent illustrations and scratch-and-sniff stickers adorning the cover (The pickle still smells!).

There's free stuff on the Internet? Gee whiz!

It’s late, the library is closed, there’s nothing on the tube, you’ve read everything on your shelves, and have no extra change to go out and purchase the latest magazines. What, oh what, shall you do?

Consider these three online ‘zines, chockablock crammed with great stories by both established pros and promising newcomers:

Is this even satire anymore?

For proof of the way the wind seems to be blowing, check out this article (via The Onion):


Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book

Sitting in a quiet downtown diner, local hospital administrator Philip Meyer looks as normal and well-adjusted as can be. Yet, there's more to this 27-year-old than first meets the eye: Meyer has recently finished reading a book.

Is it just me, or is this so close to the truth that it barely counts as satire? I've gotten dirty looks on the bus for reading, as if somehow my enjoyment is spoiling their whole day.

An open letter to the people of Ontario (and, really, the rest of Canada)

*Ahem

Now, I realize that, as Canadians, we all pride ourselves on our hardiness, our ruggedness, our strength of will when it comes to the elements.

However...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT COLD MEANS, PEOPLE! -45 DEGREES BELOW ZER0!! CELCIUS!!! MAN WAS NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY!!!!

I'll continue with the blog when the feeling returns to my extremities, and that blackened finger, at long last, drops off.

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